From 2001 to 2003, I (via email lists) asked other adoptive parents to fill out a survey. The goal of the survey was to compare expectations vs outcome for Ukrainian adoption.
Over 200 families from many different nationalities trusted me enough to answer my questions. They were Australian, American, Canadian, French, Danish, German, Israeli, Irish, Russian, Spanish, Swiss, and Ukrainian. They all granted me permission to anonymously share their answers.
Here is what various families said about accepting a referral.
My Husband was in love right off from Jacob’s picture in the orphange [seen at the NAC]. It was a picture of him at 3 months old. I knew the minute he was brought in the door to us at the orphanage.
advertisementWhile we were being told [by NAC] only older children [were available for adoption], we were very calm and very complimentary of all the children we saw.
If an older Child had grabbed our hearts, we would have gone to see him/her. We went with a very open mind and heart and did not want to rule out any child. We were prepared to do whatever it took to find “Our Child”. Even if it meant coming back to the NAC. We knew our Child was there! We did find our Child and he fits PERFECTLY into our family!
from: family adopted in 2001
Nicholas smiled at us so big with his big wide cute cleft smile and it was all over!
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from: family adopted in 2001
We just knew it. We knew they would fit in. We were praying and we just knew they were for us
from: family adopted in 2001
A family who adopted from Ukraine was sharing photos with a friend. This friend fell in love with one little boy in their pictures. This friend traveled to Ukraine and specific asked for and adopted the little boy from the picture.
[A family who adopted from Ukraine] had pictures and Vlad had a plastic wrench and a plaid flannel shirt on. He looked like a carpenter in the making. I love wood working.
The orphanage said Vlad thinks before he speaks. This is so like my darling husband. Vlad’s birth date was a day of my father’s death. We must have been to busy so God sent Vlad to a different mom. It took only 1 look and yes I knew he was the son for us. He is a very good match for our family.
from: family adopted in 2000
When the next family (single dad) adopted you received a referral to an orphanage and could see all the available children in the orphanage.
Very long story but after seeing child number 4, I couldn’t see anymore children because of lunch and naps. When we came back to the orphanage in the afternoon to see the other 5 children, I asked to see number 4 in his group.
While I was watching number 4 I noticed number 5 and said that I hoped he would be one of the children available for me to see. A few minutes later, I was in the director’s office and in came my little boy. It took me a second to realize he was the other child I was interested in at the AC and I knew in my heart that he was mine. My dilemma was that I could have taken number 4 with me as well and just wasn’t prepared for two boys.
Another question that may be good in the future is: Did you leave a child in Ukraine that you wish you would have brought home? My answer would be yes.
from: single man who adopted in 2000
Darling husband was more sure of this than I at first because all our son did was cry in the beginning. It was hard for me not to have that immediate bond, but we have only been home a little over a week and I can’t imagine life without him.
from: family who adopted in 2001
My husband felt child had an open, confident expression and could “be his son.” I was impressed by how beautiful he was. After we had visited him for a few days, he was so happy to see us I also knew he was ours.
from: family adopted in 2001
Saw children – too many, we still think about the ones we left there, but my husband and I promised each other that the first two we saw was going to be our children.
from: family adopted in 2001
[I saw] only one. I took the child right away.
I thought it over: it was in march 2002 and there had already been several reports by French citizens that they could not find younger, healthy children. [The boy] was great, beautiful, healthy. He was 2 years older than expected, but I decided that I could handle it. Rather than return to NAC and tell them I refused an healthy child, and with the risk that they would then only show me sick ones, I took the one I saw and whom I really fell for …
from: family adopted in 2002
This family adopted in 2002 before the medical list was changed. Children must be registered for 14 months (1 month on local list, 1 month on oblast list, 12 months on national list) to allow Ukrainian citizens a chance to adopt the child. After the 14 months are up, they are available to international adoption. There is a medical list that lists diseases/medical issues that allows a child to be adopted without waiting the 14 months. I believe it was changed in early 2003 and it no longer includes items like heart murmur or cleft palate.
We were first shown a little 6 month old boy with cleft lip and cleft palate. We told the AC we wanted to go see this child, but then they showed us our son’s picture (at their request and suggestion) and we said we wanted to go see him instead.
I was very interested in our son the moment I saw his picture at the Adoption Center and was very anxious and excited to physically see him.
I thought he was very cute! Did I know at first glance if he was THE child for me and my husband?
No-I wasn’t sure, how could I be, I only had seen his picture! I know for some parents they know instantly, but for me I didn’t know if he was THE child because I am a hands on type of person, I just needed to be with our son to really know if he was going to be the one or not.
from: family adopted in 2002
Accepting a Referral
Love and Accepting a Referral
Accepting the Referral for My Daughter
Accepting a Referral: Other Families Stories Part 1
Accepting a Referral: Other Families Stories Part 2
Accepting a Referral: Other Families Stories Part 3